Lesbian Break up Support and Advice

Preventing Lesbian Breakup Depression

It can be difficult to get your life back together after a break up. It will take time for the pain to go away. It will take time to heal. Your first reaction may be anger; disbelief; grief; or sadness. Depending on the breakup circumstances you could feel a mix of these emotions. The problem is, if these emotions continue to fester they may lead to more serious, depressive emotions.

When you break up with your significant other you will want to be alone. You will probably isolate yourself from friends and family. It's extremely common to have a hard time concentrating on anything other than your ex-girlfriend, and your lost relationship, and this can interfere with work, recreation, and even solitary activities such as trying to read a book or watch television. Your mind and heart are far removed from your immediate surroundings and activities.

This doesn't mean you should stop these activities. In fact, now is the most important time to have friends and family nearby. Now is the time to distract yourself - as opposed to doing nothing but focusing on how miserable you feel. The problem develops when people alienate themselves to their pain and this can lead into a mild to severe depression. If the depression continues it could become so severe that you will need to seek professional help.

Pain from breaking up is not just caused from the breakup itself: it's also caused from having to change your schedule, your life in general, and to become a solitary figure where once you were considered a part of something. You are no longer identified as a couple because you no longer are a couple. When in a relationship you become 50%, and your partner becomes 50% - together, this makes a whole. It takes time to learn to go from just 50% to 100% whole by yourself. If you classified yourself, or identified yourself, by your role or part in your relationship then this newfound 'singlehood' can take some getting used to.

If you did mutual activities together you may no longer want to do these things as they may remind you of your former mate. You may avoid mutual friends, or hangouts, that you two had shared together simply because of the painful memories that remain of these places, and of the times you spent together with these individuals. Of course, if all of your friends are 'mutual friends' you may feel especially lonely and at a loss for soul support. It can be difficult not having anyone to talk to, or finding a shoulder to cry on if necessary, when all of your acquaintances are also friends of your ex. Additionally, it can be equally as difficult when well-meaning friends bring up her name in casual conversation. I mean, who really wants to hear that they ran into your ex the other day and she is now seeing this other girl, and seems really happy!? OUCH!

So, your emotions become bottled up. You hide them. You do not get them out because expressing them into an empty room isn't going to help you. You won't feel reassured, heard, or supported. It will just reiterate your aloneness even more. Your family may not be available. This can be especially true if you have no family, or if they live half way across the world from you. A phone call isn't as satisfying as the face-to-face contact that you so desperately need.

In this instance, you might do best to contact a therapist. If you are feeling depressed your doctor may be able to make a recommendation for therapy sessions. You can have a non-biased sounding board to listen to you as well as provide insights into your thoughts and feelings during this trying time.

Another alternative is to read the online material at 'How to Get Over a Breakup'. The information available at that source is so astounding and epiphanic that you could be feeling better as soon as today!

If you are suffering from severe depression you may end up on medication. Bear in mind, though, that the depression is most likely only temporary, and, given some time you will be just fine ... you just need to go through the grief process to get over the break up. However, therapy is still a good choice, and going to therapy doesn't make you bad or 'crazy'. In fact, many people go to therapy simply as a way that they can be heard when they don't have that option anywhere else in their life.

Breaking up in a lesbian relationship can be especially difficult because you also have those who will not understand you, or why you even care. Some people forget that just because we are lesbian that doesn't mean we don't feel, love, or have emotions similar to everyone else. If your family is hard on you for being lesbian to begin with then your pain may be cause for celebration in their eyes (since you're no longer dating a 'woman'). These people are unable to be sensitive to your pain, and may or may not realize how cruel they are being.

Often, this is why lesbian women become depressed. They can't handle the breakup. To them it feels like another personal rejection. If they were rejected by family and friends (after coming out) then they've experienced this before. If life seems like one long line of rejections they may begin to feel that something is 'wrong' with them, themselves, and not with the ignorance or misunderstanding of those around them.

The goal is to try and stay as positive as possible. Be honest with yourself and keep in mind that all people have gone through a break up of some sort at one point in their lives. It is better for both of you that you broke up than to go on living a lie - and getting hurt worse in the process. This is not personal. You are not the lone person in the world to break up with your partner. It's an every day part of life and relationships.

If you can accept these things then you're already one step closer to saying goodbye to the breakup blues, avoiding breakup depression, and moving on with your life.

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